


I cant get you off my mind

by cassandra_ml (meilxoxo)



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-28
Updated: 2011-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-28 08:26:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/305872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meilxoxo/pseuds/cassandra_ml
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a stupid fight Frank wants his boyfriend back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I cant get you off my mind

**Author's Note:**

> Written in 2007. No Beta - sorry for the mistakes

_I can't get out of bed today  
Or get you off my mind  
I just can't seem to find a way  
To leave this love behind_

„Switch the fucking radio off!!“ I yell frustrated and bury my head under the pillow hoping that my brother’s girlfriend will have mercy with me. I hate this. Why don’t I live alone?  
Oh, yes I forgot, because I’m hardly at home and don’t want the cheese to molder in my fridge all the time. So I agreed on living why my brother Alex.  
I sigh deeply. Actually that wasn’t a bad idea, its just that his girlfriend Susan is also living here now and don’t get me wrong, she is a lovely girl but…fuck…can’t she turn this horrible song off?  
And always their lovey-dovey behavior, it makes me sick. I know they are happy and I'm glad they are, but hey can’t they respect my feelings? They know I don’t feel well, so why? Why, fucking why?  
I can’t believe this has happened. I never thought this would happen. I always thought that we would grow old together. Yes, that was what I was dreaming about.  
I don’t even know what we were fighting about, it was some unimportant shit. Yet, is tore everything that mattered to me far away from me.  
Somehow one word followed the other and before I knew what I was doing I said…I feel like getting sick again and curl to a little ball just to start sobbing.

Two days have passed since he left. Two unutterable long and agonizing days without a word. I hate this. Ever since the door closed behind him realisation hit like a ton of bricks and I just collapsed and cried till my brother came home from work and found me lying on the floor. He managed to drag me into my bed, which I hadn’t left since he dropped me there.  
Now and then Susan and Alex come and try to cheer me up or feed me. Without success, though. Just like now.  
“Frank, please you need to eat. You haven’t touched anything in days.”  
“I'm not hungry.” I answer monotone and hug my pillow. Alex sighs and his face shows how pity he feels for me.  
“Frankie, come on, I know this is hard for you. But we are worrying to death about you.”  
“Please just eat a little, then you can be alone again.”  
“I don’t wanna be alone.”, I mumble with raspy voice. “I want Gerard!” I can hardly talk, cause all the crying made my voice hoarse and croaky.  
“Why don’t you try and call him?”, Susan suggests softly, but I wallow in self-pity.  
“He doesn’t want to talk to me, for sure. We broke up.” I feel new tears form in my eyes. I hate to say it; it makes everything more sickening real. Immediately Susan pulls me into a hug and cradles me in her arms. “Frankie, Baby, everything’s gonna be alright.”  
Pshaw, nothing’s gonna be good. I mean…I love him. I’m nothing without him and I’m alone, forever. “Please don’t cry.” But I can’t help it.

Three days and I miss everything about him. His smile, his eyes, his voice, his smell, his warm tender hugs, even his little quirks, which actually all make him even more loveable. I can’t sleep cause he isn’t here cuddling with me, he isn’t there smiling at me sleepily when we wake up. Oh I miss his morning face so much, the messy hair, the cute little dozily eyes, his humming/grumbling when he wakes up and...arg…I just can’t get over it.  
You always notice what you’ve got when you lose it. I thought that wouldn’t be true for me. I thought I know what I’ve got. I thought I showed him how much he means to me, but now I’m not so sure anymore. Does he even know that he is my entire life? Cause now that he is gone, I’ve got nothing to live for. And I want to tell him so badly; I wanna run to him and never let him go again.  
But I don’t dare, cause…lets face it…I broke up with him, even if I said it in the heat of your fight, I treated him bad…he must be glad to be rid of me. Again I hide my face in my pillow, it’s still wet from the last time I cried my heart out.

My stomach is really hurting by now, I hardly have eaten anything and now I feel the effects. So I slowly drag myself out of bed. Too good, that Alex and Susan aren’t here, cos they would start fussing all over again. I know they wanna help, but I just can’t bear it.  
The apartment is awfully silent when I open my bedroom door. Although we don’t live together everything here reminds me of him. I sigh. If I find one of his drawings now I might die.  
But I find nothing. Not even food in the damn fridge. Nothing to eat. Can this be true? I growl, and my stomach is joins me.  
Damn, I'm so fucking hungry! But do I want to go shopping? Fuck, no. I look outside the stupid window, searching for clouds and heavy rain. That would suit my mood. But just to deride me the damn sun is shining brightly and there is no cloud to be seen. I bet all those stupid happy couples are skipping around outside. Fuckers…  
After combing the kitchen for something eatable I slouch on the zapping through the TV channels just to catch the Smashing Pumpkins’ Today on Fuse. Oh, thank you. Billy and my baby really look alike in this video. I sigh and turn the TV off. My stomach is yelling for food again. So I just give up and grab my jacket plus my wallet, before dragging myself out on the street.

And like I predicted, everybody is fucking happy. Ugh. I just wanna punch into every fucking smiling face, not caring that it isn’t their fault. It’s mine…I know.  
Once again there are a million things that remind me of him as I slowly walk over to the supermarket. Like the Starbucks-Shop, Gerard loves coffee. Or his fave Comic store. I don’t even dare to look inside, afraid to see him there, reading comics, laughing, flirting with somebody else.  
No, he wouldn’t do that, would he? I mean he is free after all. I sigh defeated, trying to eliminate all the memories of our very fist encounter there. I really miss him.

From the corner of my eyes I see a fast-food-store and abolish my plans of going shopping and decide to just grab some food and then dig myself into bed again. I enter the store and stop dead.  
Coming here was a bad idea. 2 feet in front of me at the end of the line stood Mikey, my band member and lost angel’s brother. But before I can run out again he turns around and our gazes meet. His look eclipses by the second and he turn his back to me without saying a word.  
“H…hi Mikey!”, I mutter as I line up behind him. He just ignores me. When it’s his turn I hear him ordering a long list of food. It hurts me. Seems like he and his brother having are party, huh? I feel a sting in my heart. Just as he passes me heading to the door I hear him mutter.  
“Fucking bastard.”  
“Why do you call me that?” I whine and he faces me glaring.  
“Maybe because my brother is …arg.” He looks at me full of anger.  
“And you just run around happily, going on manhunt like nothing happened?! Didn’t you promise you would hurt my brother?” My heart is aching, does he really think this is easy for me? But I don’t get a chance to respond, cause Mikey goes on without a break.  
“Yes you did, and now? Walk around like Mr.Cool with you fucking sunglasses. They are Gerard’s anyway and they don’t fucking suit you, so give’em back.”  
He rips the glasses of me and releases my red puffy eyes. His face drops.  
“Oh.” Now I finally get the chance to talk.  
“Do you really think I’m not suffering, I miss Gerard like crazy. All I did was fucking crying my eyes out the past days.” I defend myself and Mikey looks sadder with every word.  
“I…I’m sorry, honestly. I just thought…” He shuts up and pulls me into a quick hug.  
“How is he?” I ask dying to know.  
“Sorry man, I can’t tell you.He forbade it.” He shrugs and then leaves.

I sigh and nip at my veggie burger, not really noticing what’s happening around me. I just think of him, again. Do I dare to go and see him?  
Is there still a reason for me to hope?  
Why didn’t Mikey tell me anything?  
I finish my burger and my fries and lay my head down on the table burying it in my arms. What am I supposed to do? I miss him a fucking lot but I’m so scared. What if he doesn’t want to see me?  
I stare at the sunglasses, Mikey is right they are Gerard’s. I stole them from him a while ago and forgot about it. He is engrained in every single part of my life. Deeply in thoughts I stroke them tenderly. Again I sigh and make my decision.

  
Slowly I drag my feet over the pavement; they are getting heavier with every step. I am so scared. Yes, I decided to try and see him. I’m suffering anyway so why not try and make to better. His house is the last one at the street and I can see it already.  
Oh, I feel really sick.  
Secretly I sneak in the backyard to the only window of Gerard’s basement-room. It always used to be open so I could crawl in whenever I want. It was a cute little secret me and Gerard shared and I loved to visit him in the middle of the night so I could cuddle up with him. My heart wails at the memory of all the good times we shared. Maybe he has this window still open for me?  
As silent as possible I walk over to it and kneel down. I stare at it for a moment before shakily trying to open it. The result is breaking my heart all over again.  
It is closed. My eyes sting and I desperately wipe my tears away. I can’t believe it. He closed the window? He shut our secret down???  
It hits me like a cold-hearted rejection and for a moment the only thing I do is sitting on the floor and staring at the window wondering what I should do next.  
Shall I take this at the end? Does he want me to leave him the fuck alone? Maybe he just closed it, because it was so windy last night? I know I am making up false hopes but I can’t help and cling to them as they are everything I’ve got now.  
So I head to the front door, I just can’t give up now, passing the huge living-room-window on my way. And what I see there nearly kills me again. Gerard! He is sitting there with Mikey, his girlfriend and some other friend. Mikey is hugging him and Gerard…he is laughing…how can he laugh?  
Seeing this makes me wanna run home again and lock myself in my room crying, but for some reason I can’t. He may not want me back, but I need to let him know how sorry I am and how much I love him.

It takes me several deep breaths to mentally encourage myself to knock at the door. Hesitantly I raise my hand and tap on the door. A few seconds nothing happens then I hear footsteps and moments later the door swings open. It’s Mikey’s girlfriend Abby, always happy and friendly. “Heelll…” She starts cheerfully, but as soon as she recognizes me her face turns angry. “…llo. What do you want, fucker?”  
“I…I wanna…Gerard.”  
“He is not here.”, she replies sharply. Why is she lying?  
“But I saw him?!” Abby rolls her eyes.  
“What are you now? A stalker? Fine he is here, but he doesn’t want to see you let alone talk to you.”  
“Please, just tell him I’m here.”  
“No!” Angrily she slams the door close and I blink at the wood in front of me, before recollecting myself and banging at the door again. It opens sooner than last time and Abby is glaring at me furiously now.  
“Listen you asshole. Gerard doesn’t want to see you. So just fuck off.”  
“Please, tell him. I’m really sorry and I mis…”  
“He said he doesn’t want you back, okay. So don’t even bother trying to crawl up his ass.” She shakes her head and soon enough I face the door again. He didn’t say that right? Right??!!!  
My eyes start to water again and I haul myself out of their yard and collapse on the pavement. He doesn’t want me back? I bury my face into my hands and start sobbing, ignoring the glances of all the people walking by.

I don’t know how long I sat there, it could have been minutes or hours, I’m still sobbing like a baby. I’m so dug in my emotional pain, that I don’t hear the Way’s front door opening and somebody coming out.  
Slow footsteps are approaching me, while I sneeze into my sleeve. I’m just so out it until a quiet “Frankie?” brings me back into reality.  
I swallow and wipe away all my tears before turning around and see who is standing there. It’s Donna, Gerard’s mom. She doesn’t look to good, tired and drained.  
“What are you doing here, Frank.”  
“I...just…” Shocked by her harsh tone I don’t get a proper sentence out.  
“You just came trying to hurt my baby even more?!” She glares at me.  
“No!”  
“You shouldn’t be here, no one wants you around.” I burst into tears taken aback by her cold-hearted behavior. All the time I thought she liked me, but now she throws me a look full of venom. Doesn’t she want us to back together? What did Gerard say?  
“But I…I’m so sorry, I just…I just want Gerard.” I cry helplessly chocking on my own words. Finally Donnas face softens and she sits down next to me, patting my back a little impassively.  
“You really hurt him.”  
“I didn’t mean to. I don’t know what was up with me. I’m so sorry, Donna, really.” An awkward silence settles between us only interrupted by me sniffling and weeping.  
“You are not good for him.” She says after a while and it leaves me even more shattered. Doesn’t she understand?  
“I really didn’t mean to! Please…”  
“Yes, you hurt him though.” She interrupts me furiously.  
“How many times will you hurt him without realizing? I trusted you. I gave you my biggest treasure, Frank. One of my babies. And what did you do? You broke him.” This makes me sob even harder.  
“No, I didn’t.” I choke out burying my face in my hands not wanting to hear this, I just want him back. I wanna make him happy, I know I could do it! Donna jumps and yells to me from above.  
“Yes, you did. You destroyed my son and everything he was fighting for.” Why is she so heartless? I know I hurt him, but doesn’t she see how grieved I am. I want nothing more that take anything back. But she doesn’t care.  
“Stay away from my kid, Frank. I mean it. Now get of my estate of I might call the police.” With that she was gone. Leaving me all alone once more.

I did what she wanted. Stood up and left. I didn’t go far though. My feet only supported my a few meters and now I’m sitting next to a bunch of bushes on the pavement near their house, staring at it like an idiot.  
I guess I am one.  
My sleeves are completely wet from all the tears I wiped into them. But I don’t care, there is nothing bothering me anymore, except the fact that the love of my life is sitting in this stupid house and no one lets me fucking see him.  
And the worst thing is: Maybe he doesn’t even want me to.

It’s getting dark already, and as the sun goes the wind is coming. I warp my hoodie tighter around me, still hunching in front of the Way’s house waiting for a wonder. I don’t notice the time pass nor the people walking around the street nor how much my limbs hurt by now.  
I don’t even move until the Way’ porch lights goes on and Gerard storms out, followed by his parents. Just to be safe, I lean back into the bushes even though they can’t see me in the dark anyway, plus they are too busy with arguing.  
I try to focus but only can make out snippets. But it is obvious that something is seriously wrong cause Gerard wants to leave and Donald tries to pull him back. More words are thrown around and Gerard breaks away shouting something to his dad. It somehow sounded like >it’s my fucking life< but I’m not sure.  
Donna calls after him, but he turns away and wipes his mouth leaving hurriedly. Somehow he’s walking strange though kinda…staggering?  
Donna and Donald give up walking inside again, with their heads hanging low and I automatically follow him several meters behind him hidden in the dark.  
Seems like Abby is fucking right. I turned into a stalker. Gerard walks a few blocks then looks around like he lost direction and finally disappears behind a corner. I run after him afraid to lose him, but when I reach the corner it’s too late.  
All I can see are some foreign figures hurrying through the streets, but no Gerard. Damn, well done Frank. I don’t give up so easily though, I need to find him.

As I eventually do I nearly wish I wouldn’t have cause the sight his killing. Gerard has just left a drug store a few meters away, with a bottle of vodka. My heart sinks lower then ever. And I hear Donna in my ear.  
You destroyed him.  
Now I know what she meant. He started drinking again. And it’s because of me. There is no excuse.  
You destroyed everything he was fighting for.  
He had such a hard time getting sober and now? I hate this, I never meant to make him suffer so much. Gerard unscrews the bottle and starts to drown it greedily. He doesn’t even cough which means he must be drinking a while already. I can't bear it any longer and want to run over to him and snatch the fucking bottle off him as he turns around and catches me.  
He just stares at me and lowers his vodka, before turning and bolting into the opposite direction.  
“Gerard, wait.” I run after him, I can't lose him again. But he tries walk faster unable to run due to his drunken state. I grab his arm and try to turn him around.  
“Gee, please…” He pulls away and whines.  
“Fuck off.”  
“Please don’t do this.”, I plea rather helpless as he tries to walk out on me again. He turns around abruptly spilling some of his liquor and slurs.  
“You, asshole…can tell me nothing. Stupid fucker. Just leave me…the fuck alone.” He takes another sip of the bottle and dodges me as I try to grab him again.  
“I don’t fucking need you!” I’m totally unprepared as he shoves me as hard as he can and soon enough I sit on the floor starring at him while he continues his way without looking back once.  
Don’t cry, Frank, don’t cry again.  
I know I need to be strong for him, but I still can't stop all those tears in my eyes. I wonder when I run out of them, I must’ve cried twice my bodyweight out by now. Gerard is still lurching away from me, drowning his bottle with an unhealthy speed. I just need to get up again.  
“Gerard, please.” I cry after him, forcing him to look at me when I finally reach him.  
“Just leave my fucking alone, why are you doing this to me?” He wails and the look in his eyes is much more than I could ever take. I might’ve endured despise, odium or hatred…but his look is full of pain and desperation, he’s completely broken, wrecked and forlorn.  
Maybe, I’ve never realized how much I‘ve hurt him.

I don’t know how long we stare at each other, it can only have been a few seconds, but suddenly he breaks my gaze and rushes over to the nearest side road. I sigh and follow him, knowing exactly what he is up to.  
He is kneeling on the floor already throwing up next to some old dustbins. Carefully I genuflect beside him pushing his long hair out of his face and rubbing his back. He heaves endlessly and it’s starting to worry me more and more. How much has he been drinking?  
Finally he leans back against the wall and grabs the vodka again only to rinse out his mouth this time.  
“Gerard, are you okay?” I ask worried to death.  
“As if you fucking cared.”, is all he manages to babble. I grab the bottle from his hand and throw it away as he lifts it for another swig.  
“Why are you doing this, just think about our family or your job or the band. Do you wanna lose everything?” He glares at me, while yelling into my face.  
“These damn things don’t mean a thing, kay?!”  
“What about me then? Didn’t you tell me once that you’d stopped drinking for me, so you can really apprehend our relationship? I know I said I…”  
He breaks down completely as I mention this and starts crying uncontrolled.  
“You broke up with me.” Choking on his own words he huddles into a little ball, hiding his face away from me and I try my best to pull him into my arms. He tries to fight me off first, but giving up eventually and just crying into my shoulder.  
“I’m so sorry darling, I really am. I just….” Burst into tears as well, while my self-contempt is growing every second I watch him paining due to my heartless behavior.  
“You hurt my soo much.” He sobs even harder and clings to me helplessly as I bury my face into his hair holding him as tight as possible. Slowly his crying eases and he hiccups every now and then, my own tears never fading though.  
“I’m so sorry, Ger. Please forgive me. I…I love you so much.” I whisper again.  
“But you kicked me out, broke my heart!” Why do I suck so much in expressing myself? I want to tell him he means to world to me, but it just doesn’t come out as I want it too. This might me my last fucking chance and I am ruining it.  
“I never wanted to break up, I didn’t knew what I said…I just…love you so much.” Could I ever make him see how much he means to me? Or is he blinded by his own pain? I pull away lightly and cupping his face in my hands and resting my head against his.  
“Please, Gerard. I’m so worthless without you. I’m just….not me. You have no idea how much I just wanna take all this shit back, but I can't. I…hate this. Please, I wanna be with you – more than everything.”  
“I…I want that too. I’ll be better, I promise.” He mumbles helplessly still clinging to me and it feels like the cold grip on my heart loosens.  
“You are perfect, Gerard. Believe me, you are.” Gently I wipe the tears of his face and press my lips to his. It’s beautiful, I don’t even find the words to tell how I feel.

“Let me help you with your shoes, darling.” I suggest and sit him down on my bed. Eventually after crying our hearts out all over again, followed by endless promises and pleas we made our way to my home.  
Gerard still can't walk to well and so they the short way developed into a little journey. Now he is sitting on my bed half-asleep.  
And I am both happy and worried.  
Happy, because we reconciled and he is here with me. But worried that he might chance his mind tomorrow morning or that me don’t even remember what happened.  
I try to shake these thoughts off the best I can and help my baby get out of his shoes, pants and hoodie. He is still quite drunk and as soon I finished undressing him he crawls under the covers and drifting off to sleep.  
Contently I watch him for a while and place my hand on my chest, feeling my heartbeat. Call me nuts, but I’m sure it stopped beating for the time we were apart. Reluctantly I head off to call his family, they must go crazy worrying about him.

I just hope Mikey picks up, cause Donna won’t be pleased to hear from me, after the speech she gave me earlier. The phone rings a few times and a male person picks up.  
“Hello?” Mikey gasps breathlessly. I bet he rushed over to the phone like a maniac as it started ringing.  
“Hi, this is Frank.”  
“Oh, hi.” He sounds disappointed; I know he hoped for his bro. But as soon as I tell him he is here, he sighs relieved.  
“Thank god, we already worried to death about him.” He remains silent for a second then asks nervously.  
“How is he?” I look over to my bedroom, and even if the circumstances aren’t the best my heart warms at the lovely view of him sleeping in my bed.  
“He passed out, got really drunk, you know.” Mikey sighs again.  
“I know, we really tried to keep him away from it. We got a lot of people over to distract him and it seemed to work. He even smiled once today. But in the end it was no use. I knew only you could help. He forbade me to tell you though.” I nod, even though he can't see it. Thinking of the scene I watched in the living room, now it all made sense.  
“I understand.” I hear Mikey calls his mom, that Gerard is found and in no time I had her on the phone. Damn.  
“Haven’t I told you to stay away from him?” she growls at me.  
“Shouldn’t you be glad that he is okay?”  
“He isn’t okay, Frank. He was sober for over a year, do you hear me? Almost a year and a half. And then you come and ruin everything.” I grind my teeth. Little does she know.  
“I hope you are fucking proud of yourself.”  
“Well, maybe you shouldn’t have stored the damn booze at home then, huh? Made it quite easy for him.” I snap back.  
“He brought it all, kay?! Stay away from him Frank, I mean it. You aren’t good for him.” She insists again and I practically yell at her.  
“You can't make me. I fucking love him. You won’t tear up apart Donna, no way, never!” Frustrated I hang up and go to watch him again, this time leaning on the doorframe looking over to my boyfriends sleeping form dreamingly.  
Yeah, he’s my boyfriend, finally again. I couldn’t let him go again. I snap out of my stare and walk over to him. Making myself ready to go to bed. I love him so much. I really hope we can work everything out properly.

It’s 8:45. Even though we didn’t have a quiet night I can't sleep anymore. I had to drag Gerard over to the toilet in the middle of the night, where he threw up again. He is always really sick after drinking.  
Fortunately he has been sleeping peacefully and without further unpleasant interruptions since then.  
I on the other hand didn’t sleep a wink since. My worries are eating my alive and they are getting worse every seconds his awakening approaches.  
I try really hard to kill all this thoughts telling me I might not be happy for long. What if he was to drunk to remember and flips out when he wakes up here. Maybe he doesn’t want us to be together, cause he thinks like Donna?  
Maybe…arg…can't my head just shut up?  
Distracting myself by making him breakfast isn’t working too well. He doesn’t eat much after he drinks anyway. Some orange-juice and toast is all he bears to eat in the morning.  
Trust me, I know his hangover-habits, cause against all presumptions Gerard wasn’t sober when we first met. Only he knows how often he tried to sober up but failed miserably, hiding his secret from his family and friends. He was so ashamed and scared when he told me. I’m sure he was afraid I’d leave him, but I couldn’t.  
I just can't be without him and knew from our first date that we had something very special. And he felt it too. A smile crawls over my face. I remember every detail of it. He was jumpy and nervous all day, and when he told me I was shocked and sad. I knew I’d do everything to help him, though. It was a pretty hard time, for both of us. But it worked out and our fresh relationship blossomed.

He also told me that he did it all for me, once. He said he tried to sober up for so many reasons but never made it, until he met me. I still can hear his words in my ears, telling me about how much he likes me and that he wanted to be with me and experience our relationship with every fiber of his being and that this just wasn’t possible in his drunken state.  
He did it for me only for me. I smile and my eyes water. Happy tears this time, though. He is the most loveable person ever. It has always been our little secret and it always will be. And I’m fine with it cause no one will understand it anyway, only we do.

I hear him groan and know he is finally up. It’s now or never. I grab the juice and the toast and walk over to the bedroom. My heart is beating so fast I think I'm gonna pass out. I’ve never been so nervous before.  
Gerard is sitting in the bed rubbing his eyes tiredly; surely glad that I pulled the curtains close and blocked the sun out. His hair is messy and his eyes red and swollen, even if I can't tell if it’s from all the crying or the drinking.  
“Hi!” I whisper hardly audible. He raises his head and looks at me a little confused.  
“How are you?” He groans again and rubs his head, muttering with croaky voice.  
“Got a horrible headache.”  
“I was afraid so. You want painkillers?”  
“No thanks.” Still encouraging myself to ask him about last night I hand him the glass and his toast and sit down on the bed shyly.  
“Wow, thank you!” He looks at me thankfully. His smile seems so sincere and I can't shut up anymore.  
“Welcome. Do…do you remember about last night?” He stops eating his toast and puts the plate and the now-empty glass aside, then nods. I shiver.  
“And…what do you think? I mean ah…uh…”

“Do I still want us to be together?” This time it’s my turn to nod. Gerard is silent for a moment and I start panicking, cause this can only mean he wants to get out of this relationship. But before I can even start to beg him to give me a chance he finally speaks.  
“I really love you Frank.” Thank you lord.  
“But…” But? No buts, please. I stare at him with open mouth but don’t get the chance to speak again.  
“…you can't stay with me out of pity. I…fuck I love you so much, but I know I’m not good enough. And I want you to be happy more than everything else in this world. I’d try everything to make you happy but it seems I can't make you so please just leave me. I’d rather see you happy with someone else than have you with me pretending for my sake. I know the drinking and stuff…but Frank, I mean it.”  
I stare at him for moment then dive on him hugging him tightly. How can one person be so breathtakingly lovely?  
“Oh, I love you so, so, so much Gerard. I meant every word I said last night. I’m so lost without you.” Warm tears tickle over my cheeks again and Gerard looks at me insecurely.  
“You mean it?”  
“Yes, darling, you are everything I ever dreamt of. I can't go on without you. Please forgive me, Gerard.” Somehow it finally snaps and he realizes how much I mean it.  
“I missed you so much Frankie.” He mumbles while warping his arms around me, crying as well.  
“I missed you too, please let’s never fight again.” He smiles cuddling into the sheets with me. I lie on my back and he hovers over me kissing me softly. I warp my arms around his neck deepening the kiss. It is perfect.  
“I’ll be better I promise.” Confused I look at him. He has not the slightest reason to apologize.  
“Gerard you did nothing wrong. Oh, you are so….I don’t deserve you.” Finally he smiles too.  
“Yes you do.”  
“I really wanna spend the rest of my life with you.”  
“That sounds like the best plan ever to me!” He laughs with teary eyes and snuggles close to me. I can't be happier; I guess that this nightmare is finally over.  
“Does that mean you forgive me?” I look at him worriedly, our both tears slowly drying.  
“Yes I do darling.”  
“And…and would you open your window for me again?” He blinked at me. I roll us over and look down at him now.  
“You tried to get in there?”  
“Yesterday, yes.”  
“Oh Baby, I’m so sorry. But I just starred at it all the time hoping you would come, but you never did. I couldnt bare it anymore and closed it. If I could’ve I would have walled it up, cause it hurt so much.” I smile stroking his cheek loving the feeling of his velvet skin under my fingers.  
“I’m sorry too, I should have come earlier but I was so shattered, not thinking straight.” I try to explain and cuddle closer to him, resting my head on his chest.  
“’S okay. Let’s just forget about it.” I hear his gentle voice and feel his fingers stroke my hair gently. I missed this so much.  
“Kay!” I’d love to delete this few days out of my memory. Suddenly I’m getting really tired; I guess the lack of sleep the last nights takes its affect no me now.  
“You tired?” Gerard asks as me seems me yawning.  
“Hmm, haven’t slept to well the last nights.”  
“Come here and take a nap then, sweetie.” I smile and cover us up properly.  
“I missed falling asleep with you.”  
“I missed you 24/7.”  
“I missed you 24/7, too.” Pouting I look up to him and he nods kissing me ever so lightly.  
“I know, darling. I know.”  
“I love you.”  
“I love you, too!” Gerard smiles and again kisses me gently. I can't get enough of it. This time I will make show to let him see how much he means to me.  
“Please, never leave me again.” I nuzzle my head into his chest inhaling his musky scent. I missed him so fucking much.  
“Never baby, I promise.” Not now, that I have him back.

The End.


End file.
